Archive for March, 2007

New experiences

Saturday, March 31st, 2007

Well, now there’s something you don’t necessarily see everyday: belly dancing. Essentially saw it with a bunch of friends. I’m sure there’s some damning evidence for a couple of people.

Random musings

Thursday, March 29th, 2007

How quickly it seems that time flies. As time goes on, it seems that it is harder to get together with old friends. I sometimes catch myself wondering how simple it was to take for granted some of the things that used to happen all the time. It is a reminder that I must try and savor each moment for everything it is worth, because who knows when it will be until the next time it happens again — if ever!

I have always had a pretty good recollection of events, but I find it humorous how things get hazy over time. Past details become vague, until all that I really have is a memory of a memory. I wonder if it is a part of getting old, or if it is just our friend Time taking back what was his. Either ways, I’ve always enjoyed laughing at the irony of things, or just simply how humans behave at times.

Which does bring up a good point. How unfair is it that a man can do nothing but right for 364 days a year. However, for that one day in which he goes crazy and goofs for the year, it automatically nullifies everything before that point and his bad deed is all that is remembered? I think that this type of thing can be very common in today’s society, but it doesn’t seem to make it any more fair. We are humans after all, and humans are prone to making mistakes. Granted, some mistakes may be bigger than others, but I think that sometimes humans are too quick to judge harshly on their fellows. It has always been easier to hate than to love. Easier to destroy than to build.

Today was good. Busy, but good.

Tick tick tick…

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

Hrm, dug this one out of the drafts… I think it’s a few months old though: 

It seems like the more sleep I get, the more tired I become. I managed to change my sleeping schedule in order to wake up earlier. However, I still need to tighten it so I only have a “scheduled” six hours or so. It’s not like I’ve ever slept very well regardless since my internal clock doesn’t match the clock of the real world anyhow.

Time is like the silent assassin. Ever waiting, and ever watchful. Always present. In the back of my head, I can hear it counting down. Time is not always an enemy though. It can be a friend too. I guess it just depends on how one wants to perceive things. I feel my own clock is winding down though. I am not sure whether I need more rest or whether I need to just push through even harder to get where I need to go.

I think I’m looking forward to having a place of my own. I think the freedom will do me some good. There shouldn’t be any need to hold back in my own home. Maybe that’s why work is so… stifling.

Grim Reality

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

Something dawned on me this morning, and it probably took until the afternoon for me to fully accept it. I’m pretty sure I’m in the early stages of a mental breakdown. Given my experience with this in the past, I normally feel much better afterwards. However, the downward spiral and the final “thud” is not something that I am a huge fan of.

Unfortunately, I never quite got the break that I was hoping to get. So, I suppose that this is a natural consequence. I have no one else to blame but myself. I know I end up putting a lot of pressure on myself at work. I often wonder why I do this to myself. I don’t really know if I can change my work habits — or at the very least, not suddenly. Perhaps I worry too much in general though. I seriously ask myself “why?” at least a dozen times each day.

I think the really interesting thing is that I called this way back in October or so. I told myself that if I kept up my current pace, that I would probably burn out in April. I just find it funny that I need to try and protect me from myself on occasion. I guess it’s all too easy to lose sight of the enemy when the real enemy is yourself.


Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

This probably sounds crazy, but sometimes calamity is a cause for relief. It is a stark reminder that we should never be too tied down to any one particular thing. It is sometimes incredible what can be endured. I am content to know despite what has happened, what will happen, and what may possible happen, that I am still currently alive.

It is not for me to say what may happen when I am gone, but at the very least, I can act with accordance to the things in the now that may bring both pleasure or pain.


Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

A few days ago, I walked. Today, I ran, and the only thing I really have to say is “Wow, I am totally out of shape”. I’m not even sure I really made it half way before I had to start walking. It seems so weak that I can only really improve from there. Again though, I experienced the same problem as before — I was more worried about the destination than the journey itself.

See the sights. Enjoy the smells. Why are such things so difficult to do sometimes? I’m afraid I know that I still have not yet learned to let go of myself. I’m afraid that I may have to destroy myself in order to recreate myself. I don’t know why I am really afraid of that, but I am. I know I should not be scared of change — but for some reason, I still care too much. I fear the things that I may bring upon myself.

It’ll be okay though. So long as I can continue to laugh at my own predicaments, I know there is still hope. I wonder how long it will take me to unchain myself and then tear it all down. It’s been many years now…


Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

Well, this must be a new experience. I just did something I’ve never really done before. There’s no turning back now. I can only wait to determine what the consequences of my actions will be. Perhaps this will only be a minor event in my life. Perhaps this may be something major. Of course, this could also be completely insignificant and quickly forgotten. I guess time tells all tales.

Really. I need to lighten up more anyways. Karma. You aren’t going to necessarily get a chance unless you also give others a chance.

Oh damn…

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

I’m about to do something very reckless (well, for me anyways). I hide my own nervousness by laughing at myself and wondering about all the different ways things can go wrong. However, when all things are said and done, I know I’ll still be okay. Maybe temporarily wounded, but I’ll live.

Technical Failures

Monday, March 26th, 2007

Man, what a pain in the ass. I hate wireless sometimes. I hate typing up a post only to have it fail because the connection is flaky. The thoughts and words are now lost. I cannot recreate them anew.

Source and destination

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

I found time today to take a brisk walk. Walking. It’s been so long since I’ve really walked any measurable distance. The last time I remember walking was probably at least a year ago in Santa Barbara with my best friend. How often does anyone walk anywhere anymore? It’s so odd that such a profound event so quickly loses its meaning and becomes a chore.

I think I should try to get out more. Maybe a quick trip around the block every so often when time allows it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. When did people get so lazy that we have to drive everywhere? I hated driving. Walking was always more fun when I was younger. Heck, I still hate super long drives.

I think maybe I need to slow things down a notch. A little bit of a time out everyday would do me some good. I waste too much time as it is in a day worrying about stupid stuff that has no real consequence anyhow (aka “work”). Well, lets try to rest and see what the new day brings…