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Sometimes, there are events in life that shouldn’t have even happened. Even before they occured, the consequences were extrapolated. However, for whatever reason, we allowed the ball to start rolling and the previously extrapolated consequences come to fruitation. Such a thing occurred to me today, and I have no one but myself to blame.

It’s what I get for knowing myself but not listening to myself.

This seems to be a theme that occurs a lot more often than it should. I really should know to listen to myself — afterall, nobody but myself knows if I am comfortable with something or not. Why I even open myself up to this sort of thing? I *KNEW* what was going to happen. If such a thing happens again in the future, which it probably will eventually, I need to start with the regulating and stop with the etiquette.

Who’s the weirdest of them all?

My extremely strong grip on reality find itself stretched far, but apparently not far enough to break anytime soon. This time of the year is always one of contemplation. There are lots of external milestones that somehow triggers my own mind to render an outlook for what has occurred and what has not.

I hate this time of the year. I really fucking hate it.

I probably hate it even more because the past couple of years has really been nothing but a downward spiral into oblivion. Everything looks all right on paper, but underneath things remain a chaotic mess. I am no longer sure what I have really lost and what I have really gained in the recent few years of my life. Maybe I need some time to evaluate what it is I’m actually trying to accomplish and why those goals remain unmet. Since I’ll have a few extra days soon, I should be able to delve into this further when my mind is more clear.