Something dawned on me this morning, and it probably took until the afternoon for me to fully accept it. I’m pretty sure I’m in the early stages of a mental breakdown. Given my experience with this in the past, I normally feel much better afterwards. However, the downward spiral and the final “thud” is not something that I am a huge fan of.
Unfortunately, I never quite got the break that I was hoping to get. So, I suppose that this is a natural consequence. I have no one else to blame but myself. I know I end up putting a lot of pressure on myself at work. I often wonder why I do this to myself. I don’t really know if I can change my work habits — or at the very least, not suddenly. Perhaps I worry too much in general though. I seriously ask myself “why?” at least a dozen times each day.
I think the really interesting thing is that I called this way back in October or so. I told myself that if I kept up my current pace, that I would probably burn out in April. I just find it funny that I need to try and protect me from myself on occasion. I guess it’s all too easy to lose sight of the enemy when the real enemy is yourself.